what’s on my mind . . .

I was reading The Observer Magazine last night and came across the article What’s on my mind…, a snapshot of what someone is thinking, and how much they are thinking about it (shown in percentages). I liked it so thought I’d ask myself, minus adding the percentages as that’ll crunch my brain and take away from the thoughts.

What’s on my mind… here’s a quick fire 5 minute snapshot…

my Pink Mummy’s recent cancer diagnosis, her daughter’s sadness, my sadness and questioning what comes next.

What to do tomorrow in the three hour break in between Death Café and my initial therapy assessment appointment so as not to drive back and forth to home. I have a couple of chores to do in town but that wouldn’t fill the whole time, I could take my laptop to the library to work but it’s not sitting right.

Initial therapy assessment appointment tomorrow. 

What to eat next, what can I snack on? I’ve just had a small bowl of homemade chickpea curry and then some slices of unpasteurised sheep’s cheese. But I’m still hungry. Maybe I’ll buy some bread tomorrow, that I don’t normally eat, so I can have toast as part of my evening snack. (I eat a big breakfast and big lunch, rarely dinner).

How I lost my work flow vibe today. The blue sky and sun were such a distraction, I just needed to go for a walk around the park where I live. I invited my neighbour, suggesting we go see her new van. We walked on to the ‘lake’ in the woodland, it’s a pond really, then back to hers for herbal tea. We chatted about my Pink Mummy’s cancer, I hadn’t realised how much I needed to express out loud the stresses of last week.

Feeling a bit at a loss with what to do now I’ve lost my work flow. Shall I try and do some work? I should, shouldn’t I? (Such an unhelpful word). Just stay in the moment. What would I like to do? Just lie down in silence and read. 

I’m thinking about how I was offered 12 weeks of bereavement counselling today from the hospice, that means I’ll be embarking on two types of counselling simultaneously – bereavement and sexual abuse trauma. Feels like a lot but a welcomed next step for me. I’m ready. 

I’m glad I lay down to read, work comes at me from all angles. I’ve read some other intriguing articles, torn some out to keep as reference material. I’ve rested and been gentle with myself. Self care, super important.

What’s on your mind?